I vow to see the fire and run
I vow to not romanticize the fire
to be so desperate for warmth
I play in the heart of it and call
the skin graphs lessons
I vow to never kick it wit fire
and admire the few properties
i believe we have in common
to watch the fire engulf
an entire house and think wow,
we must be similar
i am no mother of dragons
insert overused mythological creature here
Jean Grey is only koo in comic books
and still we only champion her
when she’s literally destroying
everything around her
and isn’t that the sickest shit?
to feel so powerless
the only way you can imagine
being powerful is if someone
you love has to kill you?
All this to say, i am Joshua.
Joshua is all i have. And Joshua’s
been told since he was a child
reaching for the stove’s eye
that fire is hot.
And Joshua grew up confused
being told to put his head
in the freezer if he
wanted fresh air.
And when Joshua went outside
everything felt so forriegn and familiar
and he’s been searching
for comfort ever since.
But what is an affirmation
that makes you blister?
How cold and chapped
must you be to take
gasoline as cocoa butter?
The fire says i love you,
Meaning, the better to cook you with
I say i love you too, meaning
I want all the smoke
and Joshua is choking now,
sniffs around around asking
you smell that?
and the fire says don’t trip,
you’ve clearly never loved before,
don’t understand the purity of this
and maybe the fire is right.
To fire this is normal - a black body
blackened until it is grey,
scattered with the wind
and haven't we all always loved this -
something to commune about
an event to gather for
sit in a circle at night for,
snacks in hand, a reason
to drop our chores when bored
and feel better about our own lives,
bearing witness to the haunting
of the next urban legend.
Pure indeed.
But what the fire calls
normal i call
Death.
So i vow to see
the fire and run
to a lake,
to a beach,
to a river
for i fear one day a loved one
will reach for me and they’ll burn
or their hand will pull away
holding nothing.
Nothing but ash.